A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
-- Demetri Martin

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
-- Demetri Martin

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
-- Demetri Martin

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
-- Bill Cosby

If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.
-- Dave Allen

We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A clock.
-- Dave Allen

I backed a horse today at 20:1. It came in at twenty past four.
-- Tommy Cooper

I'm not saying the wife's ugly, but last christmas she stood under the mistle toe waiting for someone to kiss and she was still there at lent. In fact she went to see that film the Elephant Man and the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
-- Les Dawson

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If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
--------Michael L.


Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
---------Wendell Johnson


It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
--------Weinberg

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The following quotations were taken from resumes and cover letters from all over the country. With all the work and care that goes into writing these documents, it's funny, if unfortunate, when errors slip through to the final draft. Alas, such mistakes make exactly the wrong impression on exactly the wrong people.



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Resumes:

"I am very detail-oreinted."

"I have a bachelorette degree in computers."

"Graduated in the top 66% of my class."

"I worked as a Corporate Lesion."

"Served as assistant sore manager."

"Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel."

"Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis."

"Special skills: Thyping."

"Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes."

"I can play well with others."

"I have exhaustive experience in manufacturing."

"Special skills: I've got a Ph.D. in human feelings."

"My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had."

"I eat computers for lunch."

"I have used lots of software appilcations."

"Objection: To utilize my skills in sales."

"Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years."

"Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."

"Previous experience: Self-employed -- a fiasco."

"I am a pit bull when it comes to analysis."

"I am the king of accounts payable reconciliation."

"Work history: Bum. Abandoned belongings and led nomadic lifestyle."

"I like slipping and sliding around behind the counter and controlling the temperature of the food."

"Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."

"Reason for leaving last job: Bounty hunting was outlaw in my state."

"My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend."

"I love dancing and throwing parties."

"I am quick at typing, about 25 words per minute."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Skills: Operated Pitney Bones machine."

"Special Skills: Speak English."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Education: B.A. in Loberal Arts."

"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

"Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984."

"Experience with: LBM-compatible computers."

"Fortunately because of stress, worked in the cardiac intensive-care ward."

"Typing Speed: 756 wpm."

"Objectives: 10-year goal: Total obliteration of sales and federal income taxes and tax laws."

"ONCE FOCUSED ON AN OBJECTIVE, I BELIEVE MYSELF TO HAVE AN UNDYING LUST FOR SUCCESS WITH ACCURACY AND EFFECIENCY."

"AT ONE POINT IN TIME DURING [John Doe's] 28 YEARS ON THIS PLANET, HE WAS IN AN AUTOMOBILE ACCIDENT; WHICH PUT A FEW YEARS THERAPY, SOME 'ROLLERCOASTER' EMOTIONAL SOUL JOURNEYS, AND A WICKED JOB RESUME, WHICH MOST EMPLOYERS WOULD FROWN UPON, AROUND HIS PRESENT IDENTITY... TEN YEARS 'IN THE RUNNING'. HOWEVER, GIVEN THE PRESENT CASH FLOW, VIA. THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT, CONSISTENCY, BOTH PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY, HAVE BEEN REALIZED AND TOUCHED UPON OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS. ALL IN ALL, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS IS GROWING NEAR END IN RESPONSE TO MY ACCUMULATED WORK HISTORY. HENCE, I SEE URGENCY, CLOSURE, SOME FEAR, STRONG DESIRE, AND MATURITY ALL WOVEN INTO THIS EXPRESSION OF ME, THE EMPLOYEE TO YOU, THE EMPLOYER."

"Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable."

"Personal Qualities: Outstanding worker; flexible 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year."

"My experience in horticulture is well-rooted."

"Work History: Performed brain wave tests, 1879-1981."

"Extensive background in public accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

"I perform my job with effortless efficiency, effectiveness, efficacy, and expertise."

"Personal: Married 20 years; own a home, along with a friendly mortgage company."

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business."

"Frequent Lecturer: Largest Audience: 1,351. Standing Ovations: 5. Number of Audience Questions: 30."

"Interests: I like to workout in my free time. I enjoy listening to music. I love to shopping in new places."

"Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."

"Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math."

"Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law."



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Cover Letters:

"Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

"Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."

"I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt."

"Please disregard the attached resume -- it is terribly out of date."

"It's best for employers that I not work with people."

"Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity."

"If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope."

"My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job' -- and I like your company in particular."

"You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!"

"I am sicking and entry-level position."

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

"I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated."

"I am relatively intelligent, obedient, and as loyal as a puppy."

"Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all the others to heat your house."

"I don't usually blow my own horn, but in this case, I will go right ahead and do so."

"I need just enough money to have pizza every night."

"My compensation should be at least equal to my age."

"I'm submitting my resume to spite my lack of C++ and HTML experience."

"My primary goal is to be recognized."

"Below are the top 10 reasons to hire me."

"My salary requirement is $34 per year."

"I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan."

"I am superior to anyone else you could hire."

"I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live."

"Although I am seeking an accounting job, the fact that I have no actual experience in accounting may seem discouraging. However..."

"I realize that my total lack of appropriate experience may concern those considering me for employment."

"I worked here full-time there."

"I'll starve without a job but don't feel you have to give me one."

"You are privileged to receive my resume."

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I am sitting in the smallest room in the house. I have your letter in front of me. Soon it will be behind me.

Any time you pass by my door I'd sure appreciate it.

You might have been bred in Texas but here you're just another crumb.

You certainly take a long time making your pointless.

Midgets are the last to know when it's raining.
Larry Tucker

It's not nice to make fun of fat people--but what the hell, they can't catch you.

I do not wish to speak ill of a person behind his back, but I believe he's an attorney.
Samuel Johnson

I think it's really cute that you're a feminist.

If your life is really full, nothing you will ever lose will make you very unhappy very long.
Ashleigh Brilliant

Why should I be sensible if it prevents me from being happy?
Augustine Birrell

Why do I always feel so much worse whenever I see things more clearly?
Ashleigh Brilliant

One can live well even in a palace.
Marcus Aurelius

Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.

The grapes are always sweetest on the slopes of a live volcano.

We tire of the pleasures we take but never of those we give.

Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.
Aesop

If the shoe fits, find the other one.

Never smell the inside of bowling shoes—especially someone else's.

Never sweat petty things; never pet sweaty things.

If it's on fire, don't lay down on it.
Rita Rudner

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

Next week, a doctor with a flashlight shows us where sales projections come from.
Dilbert

You don't need a $1000 meeting to solve a $100 problem.

Money makes money and the money money makes makes money.

The customer is not always right, but he's entitled to think he is.
Phil Simborg

The way to make money is to buy when blood is running in the streets.
John D. Rockefeller

The person who writes the bank's commercials is not the person who makes the loans.

Never schedule a board meeting on Wednesday because it kills two weekends.

A committee of three can accomplish much if two don't show up.

Everybody wants to build but nobody wants to maintain.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air.
Jack Benny

I felt sorry for myself because I had no hands until I met a man who had no chips.

Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.
Abe Lincoln

Learn what the magician knows and it's not magic anymore.
Richard Bach

You miss 100 per cent of the shots you never take.
Wayne Gretzky

If you want to spend your vacation in out-of-the-way places where few people go, let your wife read the map.
Jack Carter

If you don't laugh at yourself once in a while, others will.
Phil Simborg

Never put a razor up your nose--even as a joke.

Don't wait for a crisis to discover what is important in your life.

First rule of holes: when you're in one, stop digging.

If you want people to remember you, tell them something really interesting about them.
Phil Simborg

Don't look for heroes--be one!
Anthony Robbins

The easiest way to be the best is to be the only one of your kind.
Ashleigh Brilliant

Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.
Ashleigh Brilliant

The pen is mightier than the sword. Yeah, right.

"How are you doing?" is a bad question to ask in a hospital.
Dan Simborg

If you want to catch trout, don't fish in a herring barrel.
Ann Landers

Silent company is often more comforting than words of advice.

Never trust a man who speaks well of everybody.
Churton Collins

Tell me what you brag about and I'll tell you what you lack.
Spanish proverb

In any group of eagles, you will find some turkeys.

If you see two fellows together and one of them looks bored, he's the other.

We fall in love with a personality but we must live with a character.

There are bad people who would be less dangerous if they were quite devoid of goodness.
La Rochefoucauld

Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries.
James A. Mitchner

This life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed with a desire to change his bed.

A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.
Nietzsche

Why is it that so many of the important things are also the most boring?
Ashleigh Brilliant

Life is too short to be little.
Disraeli

The world is a comedy to those who think and a tragedy to those who feel.

Don't be too hard on yourself--people do far worse things--haven't you ever watched daytime T.V.?

Admiration is the purest form of jealousy.
Dan Simborg

I would like to start from scratch. Where is scratch?
Elias Canetti

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Fall down seven times, stand up eight.
Japanese proverb

"Good" is the enemy of "better."

Sarcasm is irritating and unsettling and should be used frequently.
Phil Simborg

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Try? There is no "try." There is only "do."
Yodi the Jedi

He tried for a corner on the market and now he has a market on the corner.

If you fail to plan, you're planning to fail.

I don't like money but it quiets my nerves.
Joe Lewis

Success is just another game, and only a fool takes any game too seriously.
Dr. Harold Bloomfield

If you want to do well, sell people what they need; if you want to get rich, sell people what they want.
Robert Ringer

I can not give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure: try to please everybody.

Those who dare to fail miserably have a chance to achieve greatly.
Robert F. Kennedy

The beginning of success is to be different; the beginning of failure is to be the same.

If you want your team to win the high jump, find one person who can jump seven feet; not seven people who can jump one foot.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

The shortest and best way to make your fortune is to let people see clearly that it is in their interest to promote yours.

The secret of success is sincerity; once you can fake that, you've got it made.

He who has never failed somewhere, that man can not be great.
Herman Melville

If at first you don't succeed, so much for skydiving.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
Woody Allen

If you are going to bluff, make it a big one.
Amarillo Slim

Mother is too clever to understand anything she does not like.

When the cat and the mouse agree, the grocer is ruined.
Persian proverb

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.
Seneca

It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.
Upton Sinclair

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.

If you keep groaning, please do it to a rhythm I can dance to.
Ashleigh Brilliant

MAN THE BATTLE STATIONS! Someone's coming who wants to reason with us.
Ashleigh Brilliant

Tell me again how much you agree with me.
Ashleigh Brilliant

Forgive me for allowing myself to be hurt by you so easily.
Ashleigh Brilliant

How can there ever possibly be a conflict between my private interests and the public good?
Ashleigh Brilliant

The two most common reasons for losing are: not knowing you're competing in the first place, and not knowing with whom you really are competing.
Phil Simborg

How come nobody wants to argue with me? Is it because I'm always so right?
Jim Bounton

We have met the enemy and he is us.

The first man gets the oyster, the second man gets the shell.
Andrew Carnegie

Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
W. Somerset Maugham

Negotiations begin before we think they begin and end after we think they end.
Herb Cohen

Being worse is no excuse for losing.
Phil Simborg

The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong--but that's the way to bet.
Damon Runyon

If everyone likes you, you must be doing something wrong.
Phil Simborg

Any manager that can't get along with a .400 hitter is crazy.

Some questions cannot be answered, but they can be decided.
Harry S. Truman

Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir man's blood.
Daniel Burnham

Lead, follow, or get out of the way.

So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work.
Peter F. Drucker

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
Caryn Leschen

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
Jennifer Unlimited

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
Rhonda Hansome

It is dangerous to be right when the boss is wrong.
Phil Simborg

The biggest guns in the company are the ones that haven't been fired.

The man who knows "how" will always have a job. The man who knows "why" will always be his boss.

A good executive is a person who will share the credit with the person who did all the work.

Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.

Anyone who thinks he or she is indispensable should stick his finger into a bowl of water and notice the hole it leaves when it's pulled out.

There go my people. I must find out where they are going so I can lead them.

An army of lambs led by a lion would be better than an army of lions led by a lamb.

People don't change because they see the light. They change because they feel the heat.

Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.
Confucius

In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it.

"I could have done it in a much more complicated way," said the Red Queen, immensely proud.
Lewis Carroll

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers

Don't ever confuse motion with progress.

Everyone lives by selling something.
Robert Louis Stevenson

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.
James Thurber

Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Mel Brooks

If you can look into the mirror without laughter, you have no sense of humor.

A sense of humor is the lubricant of life's machinery.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything - even poverty - you can survive it.
Bill Cosby

A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says...What is this, a joke?

Behind every successful woman...is a basket of dirty laundry.
Sally Poe

Behind every successful woman...is a substantial amount of coffee.

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss...and they called ME slow!
Kathy Buckley

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
Jennifer Unlimited

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Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

The lovely thing about being 40 is that you can appreciate 25 year old men more.

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.


I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.


I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Wanna play a joke on your chiropractor? The next time he starts working on you, go limp and soil yourself.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

People always ask me 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, I was an accountant.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Foot: A special device for finding furniture in the dark.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at a cocktail bar.

The Grand Old Duke of York
He had ten thousand men.
His case comes up next week.

There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar.

I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting gift. It was a comb.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.

The fastest way to make your own Anti-freeze is to hide her nightgown.

A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!

I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

A man commented to his lunch companion: "My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire." "You're lucky," sighed the companion. "My wife dreams that in the daytime."

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it first.

What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.

Good taste and humour...are a contradiction in terms, like a chaste whore.

When humor goes, there goes civilization

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.

I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

Compatible: Your money fits in the salesperson's wallet.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

My wife is going to kill me. But you look like my wife, so that's Ok!

My understanding of women goes only as far as the pleasures.

Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.

As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

I try to do the right thing with money. Save a dollar here and there, clip some coupons. Buy ten gold chains instead of 20. Four summer homes instead of eight.

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

You don't know a women till you've met her in court.

A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.

Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing.

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.

Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.

One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear.

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

I just thought of something funny...your mother.

I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ...I'd have nothing to play with.

I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead.

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?

When on the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your dress!

Our local Catholic church has plans to bring their parishioners to services by bus; they plan to call it mass transit.

I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken.

People who never get carried away should be.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist.

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.

Great Britain and the United States are nations separated by a common language.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

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Dad ? Joseph asks if you are coming for my birthday..." Jesus
"You know, honey, the fulgurofist was a good idea, but the fulgurodick is just lame..." girlfriend of Goldorak, aka Grandizer aka Grendizer aka Goldrake
"Yeah, could you send me a temp for a replacement ? That would be for decembre 24th..." tired Santa Claus
"Hi mister seismologist, you bought a new boat ?" atlantis' mayor
"Hey : What a tide today !" atlantis' mayor
"I really have to pee..." sleeping beauty
"To be or not to be ?..." the teletoobies
"Hey, I just thought of something... Ho ho, it's gone now..." Averell Teletubbies
"Ivan ? Ohey !!!..." Invanhoe
"Look, it's the flute player going for a walk in the forest with the kids ! That's a nice guy, and not the kind to hold a grudge !" a Hamelin inhabitant
"Sorry Robert, but I don't get a word you're saying..." Collins
"Tell me again my Merry Men, we steal FROM the poor and give TO the rich, is that it this time ?..." Robin Hood
"So you're the famous Robin Hood, that takes from the poor and gives to the rich !... What, did I say something stupid ?" Maid Mariann
"Mister ? Hey, mister with the flute, there is a problem : I don't have my bathing suit..." a rat of Hamelin
"Penelope, my dear, it's me, I'm back !!!! (god, she has really aged...)" Ulysses
"But I love you very much also, Robin ! Why the long face ? Oooooh... Aooch..." Batman
"What the f... What's this boat, who are this guys ?!! Go away,goooo awaaay !! It's MY treasure, MY treasure !!!" the treasure island
"Lung cancer ? Why on earth would I get lung cancer ? Hoooooo...." the Marlboro cowboy
"Hi hi hi hi hi, stop that, you're tickling me!!" Terminator
"There you are, young man, your 5 pounds... So you owe me five...? Damn, this one also is asleep ??" the sandman
"I here to collect my pay of master of the world... What, only that ?!!!" Phiip the Phiip
"What is that Barby, Pokemon shit ? Okay, subscription to the rabbit for every kid !!" Santa Claus
"What did you get me, my dear little helpers ?... A new sack ?.. So I say to you Playstation, and what you hear is New Sack ?!!" Santa Claus
"Hi, dad ? It's about mom's alimony, we really need that, Joseph is broke again..." Jesus
"Sure honey, everything in me is bold, big, and brown!! You want to check ?" Mr Potatoe
"I'm done here, but I rest my case, you really should think about that mask thing I told you about..." the Masque de Fer's beautician
"Are the fish biting today, mister Schubert ? Someone is going to come home with an empty bag again, ha ha ha ha !!!!" the trout
"Oh, shit, I have a tree in the eye... Huuuuu... There it goes, damn trees !!" the cyclop
"Can you believe my wife offered me a flame-thrower ? Do you think I can try it here ?" the captain of the Hindenburg
"For Whom the Doorbell Rings ?... Hmmm... I'm not sure..." Ernest Hemingway
"Hmm, my love, I love you so much, I want to kiss... AOOCH !! Hey you silly bitch, can't you watch out with your damn horn, you're fucking goring me !!!" a unicorn
"And here you can see the compression of an hospital by Georges W. Bush..." Saddam Hussein
"A modern art sculpture ? Ho silly me who thought it could be some kind of bomb or something ! Again sorry mister Hussein..." an UNO inspector
"Someone's knocking at the door, probably an offer of peace..." chief of the tchetchen commando
"Coming up, honey ? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!" the stairs to the attic
"Okay, let's evacuate the hospitals people, Bush is going on chirurgical war again..." Saddam Hussein
"Your hair are really mutinous, but you'll get a great haircut anyway..." a bounty mutineer
"And when I drink too much, them whales become pink..." captain Achab
"God I'm late...Oh, and what's the point ? Let's make a break, have a beer, smoke something, and I'll get back to that later ..." the white rabbit (Alice's)
"What the ? Hooow, just leave me alone another hour..." the alarm clock
"Oh yesssss, your hand is SO warm, it feels so good, oh rub me again, oh yes, oh yes.. Hmmmm, click, oh yes, just click again, yeesssss, I'm comiiiing..." your computer's mouse
"Aooch !! Aoooch !! Hey, I didn't do anything, stop hitting me like that!!" the "enter" key
"And now, something completly the same..." the Monthy Pythons
"Oh no, let's get there by car, I'm sick of walking." Saint Jacques de Compostelle
"What is it today ? Green and slimmy ? Hierk, do I hate this shit job !!" a roll of toilet paper
"Heeelgloob, I gloob can't gloob gloob helgloob !!!.... Oooooops, I forgot I am a fish again..." a fish
"Sing in a Renault ? Well, if you think that's a good idea... Ohh, WITH Renault, the singer !!." Axelle Red (and not Vanessa Paradis !!)
"No spice for me, thanks. Gives me diarrhea everytime..." Paul "Muad'dib" Atréïdes (Dune)
"Hey, look at that ! A nice fan is giving me a knife ! How kind is that ?" Bertrand Delanoë (maire of Paris, has recently been stabbed by an homophobic guy)
"Josiane, will you please cancel my speech at the knives trowers convention ? Tell them I've become allergic..." Bertrand Delanoë
"Atchiaa !! Atchoo !! A... Atchhhhmm !!... It's the unicorns, get them out of the boat !!" Noë
"What the... Moïse, could you stop doing your stupid show while I'm walking on the sea ??" Jesus Christ
"Okay, so you're... the 40 sales representatives... Well, come in, I'll do some coffee." Ali Baba
"Okay, Reed Richards, what you need tio do is stop eating rubber, and everything will be back to normal in no time." Mr Fantastic's doctor
"What do you want again ? A story ? Oh no, mom worked all day long, she's too tired now, I'll turn on the TV." Sheherazade
"Usually, I give lotion for crabs, but I think I'll do yours with my chainsaw..." the Giant Man's doctor
"No, I'm not Hulk, I've got jaundice, that's all..." the sick Smurf
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!" a rain drop
"Aooch !! Aaaoooch !!! Aooch!! Aooch !!" a blade of grass under the rain
"Because your clitoris deserves it." Alain Mikli
"What do you mean, you can see everything ? Oh..." Tarzan
"Here, two uranium bars for 10 000 dollars. What, dangerous ? Of course not, what are you, a greeny or something ?..." the ex-manager of the AZF plant, Toulouse, France
"Is it me, or do I smell gas ?..." Maurice Papon
"Where am I, now ? Do you like it ? Why don't you answer ? Oh..." invisible man to invisible woman
"Maybe if I stop that daily beans thing..." Michelin's bibendum
"You cleaned the spider webs ? Noooo, I said everything but the spider webs !!" Peter Parker
"Bueno. Only 242 rooms left to clean, now." princess Cendrillon's cleaning lady
Gnnnnnnnnnn.... Gnnnnnn... Pfffff !" Bernardo to the mime Marceau
"I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll take my buldozer, and I'll blow your brick house in !! " the big bad wolf
"Well, straw is the material for the kings !! Bring me more straw and more beers, ha ha ha !! You can come here wolfy, and break your nose on my house !! " the first little pig
"Your straw house is so coool !! And me, like I'm stupid or something, I made mine of wood, not coool..." the second little piggy
"Fools !! Fools !! You don't know what you are doing, and now you are going to die !! You are damned, damned !!" the third little piggy
"I don't understand what happened, my plan was perfect !!" first little piggy
"If I get in the top ten of Top Web Comics, you might see funny quotes again... " Phiip the Phiip
"Ha ha ha ha ha, hierk hierk hierk, I think they might begin to notice something... Huierk hierk hierk !!" David Linch
"Gnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiii !!!!" Jane Fonda
"The grapes of wrath ? Coool, I love grapes..." Henri Fonda
"Sniff sniff... Do I smell soap ? Who did wash himself ?!!!" Gengis Khan
"Well, I'm not really into apples, but if that means so much to you... " Adam
"Caïn ? Is that you ?" the eye (like in the Victor Hugo poem : "the Eye was in the grave, and he was watching Caïn...")
"A beach ? Now I have that urge to lay some eggs in the sand..." Donnatello, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
"A mouse ? Where ??" Minnie Mouse
"What is it ??... Two hundred meters of bandages ? You really shouldn't have done that...." the invisible man
"Ho ho... With a face like that, I think I just caught jaundice...." Homer Simpson
"Yeah ? Well, if I look like a faggot, then everybody on this ship looks like a faggot ! That's what happens when you dress up in tights." Spock
"What do you mean, you don't like YMCA ?" the camping manager
"Spiderman ? That's crap ! Which spider are we talking about anyway ?!!" the Black Widow
"I'll just write a quotes book, and forget about those regular books and stuff !!...." Georges Bernard Shaw
"A beach... Why do I have that urge to lay some eggs in the sand ?..." Donnatello, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
"A dwarf ? Where, where ?... Oh..." Dany de Vito
"I've got a name for the band : Windows 67, because we're in 67 !! Isn't that a great name, huh ?" Jim Morrison
"I don't want to go to that party, the U2's and the New Order's will be there and they're such loosers !" Depeche Mode
"I'm done, and it's number two !! Who'll wipe me ?" Steevy (french's Loft Story)
"Two bottles of shampoo for the price of one ? Finally, my dream HAS become true..." Yul Brynner
"Who put all our corn harvest in that hot oven, it's going to be all ruined!!! Aaaaaaaarghhh !!" Will Keith Kelloggs
"Groucho Marx ? Chicco Marx ? That's NOT funny." Ms Brothers
"Aooch, I've got a cavity !! I hope people won't notice...." the Cheschire Cat
"No sorry, I just have conjunctivitis, that's why I'm screwing my eyes up... What do you mean, stay like this ?" Clint Eastwood
"Rrrrrrrrrr... Pchhchchc... RROOO...Sniggrrllff, krrrr, krrrr... rrrrrrrhh..." Sleeping Beauty
"Damn, all those beautiful fruits are now ruined!... What can I do with squized fruits and that bag of sugar ?" Granma
"What do you mean, crabs ? Nooo... I won't think of it as a disease... more as a love story..." Eric Segal
"Moooom!! The kids at school are always calling my nose names, so I gave them all away to the teacher!!" Cyrano de Bergerac
"No sorry, I just have conjunctivitis, that's why I'm screwing my eyes up... What do you mean, stay like this ?" Clint Eastwood
"I like apples, or pears, but grapes just trigger my wrath!!" John Steinbeck
"I think I'll plane myself a chick. Yeah, a wooden chick for me..." Geppetho
"Mister Le Corbusier, I'm your biggest admirer, you really know how to humilate people..." Doctor Petiot
"You know son, I won't always be there to fish you out, so listen to me: building those "houses" like you do, that's your thing, not playing in the rivers..." Le Corbusier's dad
"Of course I'm winning..." the green she-bear
"Glasses ? God, my cheeks are going to be so happy !!" the cyclops
"Stunt time!! Okay... the toast goes toward the bowl of milk... and down... and... Damn!!" Jean Paul Belmondo 2002
"Some plastic bag in the grass, that can't be such a big deal..." Princess Mononoke
"My wife, my kids, compressed in a car accident... Mmmmh, compressed ?" Cesar (yes, the sculptor)
"I'll call this compression Family, and I'll sell it for 4 millions dollars." Cesar (still the sculptor)
"Hey guys, what's going on ? What are you doing ? Why is everyone jumping off... hey hey hey, comiiiiing!!" a Panurge's sheep
"Did you see that aviator, the way he looked at you? Like he's Saint something, so he thinks he's god!" a Panurge's sheep
"I promise you, if you don't succeed in flying, I'll try it after you in memorian." a Panurge's sheep
"Well, you can go play near that cliff, but no foolish stuff, okay?" Panurge
"Honey, I got that life insurance thing... Who's on the phone, Sitting ? Can you hand me the phone so I can say hi to that old bastard!" General Custer
"In a restaurant, I like the waitress best..." Hannibal Lecter
"Spend Christmas in Afganistan ? Yeah, sounds like fun!" John Mc Laine
"Aaaah... Aaaaaaaaah... ATCHAAAI !!!!! Damn, my nose..." the Sphynx
"Nice pyramid, but it would really look better if you move it just 100 feet to there." Keops
"Kids !!! Everyone calm down, or I'll invent school !!" Charlemagne
"A wax doll ? It's a stupid gift, mom, you can't play with that!" France Gall
"Driver, go left... No right! No stop, no go, go, no arrrrrgnhhh, can't do it!" François Hollande, leader of the french progessist party
"Look, look, I'm a penis ! Now you do what I say, and we'll have some fun..." a cloud
"My red norvegian shoes ? Strange..." Carl Perkins
"You see my son, never, just never gaze directly into the sun... Hey, stop crying, mom was kidding!!" a sunflower
"Barby, I'm going to have sex with you, as soon as I find my penis..." Ken
"Ken, touch my hand again ? Ooooh, I'm having an orgasm..." Barby
"I hope that cold will heal fast, I'm getting a little nasal here..." Donald Duck
"You're not funny, Moses, I also had something to show them, but I need the Red See to do it !" Jesus Christ
"Look at that, it's very funny, I alway have the impression that they're comming just at me... Look at this one!" the World Trade Center
"I'm working ? I'm working... I'm working!!!!! Oh oh, system ressources problem ? Sorry..." Windows Millenium Edition
"Now you miss me, don't you ? You miss me!! Perhaps I was only in black and white, but I worked !! Exactly, I worked!! Bastards..." DOS
"Here's your mail for today... Spam, spam, spam and spam... Oh ! A chain letter !" Outlook Express
"Hey ! Free software is not necessarily bullshit! Look at Linux!" Internet Explorer
"It's itching, itching, itching, aaaargnnnh !! That firewall is like a sieve!!..." _restore
"A naked woman ? Should I rather draw you someting more of your age, like a sheep ?" Antoine de Saint Exupery
"He really drew me a sheep! Jeez, I wanted a naked woman! Fucking aviator bastard..." the Little Prince
"What do you mean I have scoliosis?" the Pise tower
"An election film ? God I love fictions !! The Abstentionnist is my favorite of all times !!" Jean Marie Le Pen, 2010
"You know, Goebbels, I'm not sure about my style... Should I comb a big tuft of hair on my forehead, or put out one eye?" Adolf Hitler
"You voted for me ? That's just great, bye!!... Hey, Hans, what's that vote thing they keep talking about ?" Adolf Hitler
"Gnnnn... There's something coming up my ass, it's unbearable !" Marianne (french's Uncle Sam)
"You have a gift for me, Brutus ? Ooooh, a knife, what a great present !!" Julius Cesar
"Cesar, those that will be running salute... damn !! Dying, damnit, dying..." Spartacus
"You know, I have indian friends." General Custer
"That's not Bill Gates who should be a millionaire, that's me!" Rene Gates, the other's evil twin
"No, Jasmine, that's not the place to rub... Yes, a little down... That's it, rub it slowly, yessss..." Aladdin (or Alladin ? Alladdin ? Aladin ? whatever !)
"Bloob, bloob... gasp !!! Help, I'm drowning !!... Just joking." Flipper the Dolphin
"Rhett, you're a nice guy and all, but I don't understand what you're talking about : what exactly is gone with the wind??" Scarlett O'Hara
"My tongue was really hanging out. What, which side ?... Very funny, Mowgli, very funny..." Kaa


Did you know that you can get one quote in your mail every day ? You just need to subscribe to the rabbit, no strings whatsoever attached, and you get also the daily strip !
Try it now, it's really free !
I try it now, I !!
"Mom, look! when I rub cheese on my open wounds, it gets really nice red and fun!... Mom?" Joe Babybel
"Booooooohhh!! Mommyyyyyyy !!! Why do all my boats always sink?" the (to be) captain of the Titanic
"Excuse me m'am, why is Garcia always called before me?" Zorro
"Adolf, quit annoying little Joseph now !! That's ridiculous, you're loosing everytime... Excuse us, Ms Stalin." Ms Hitler
"Marylin, stop showing your underwear to everyone ! Nobody's interested, you know..." Ms Monroe
"Zzzzzzzzzzz..." a log
"Yes you're pretty, look at you, those colors, those tones, boy you're georgeous!" a picture
"Don't listen to them, nobody's greener on the other side, that fence stuff is just nonsense." a balde of grass
"Damn, moss again... I should do more rolling." a stone
"Quick, everybody behind me ! No, they won't see you, even if you are two thousands, it's an infallible trick." a tree
"No, no, it's not me you're looking for, it's Vasco de Gamma." Vasco de Omo
"My teeth hurt... Did anyone find the lemon box?Aooch... there we go, another one down..." Christopher Colombus
"The way of God... Hmm, okay, God... So, where's the G?." Indiana Jones
"I think I'll ask one of those penguins if he knows where the north pole exactly is...." Paul Emile Victor
"Looks like it was some kind of hospital... All those stiff necks... And the signs must be some kind of chinese stuff... yeah, that's it, chinese." Jean François Champollion
"Instead of throwing shit away, maybe I could sell it...." Ronald Mc Donald
"Roux, your father wants his rope and his pulley back. We have to undo your... thing." Combaluzier
"Black, you have a mental problem ! You have to stop drilling, or we'll get evicted from the building, and I'll leave you!." Decker
"White, forget about that dry piece of rag you're using, and look at what I just invented.." Spirit
"You what ? But I... I fuck you with... with... latex ! That's it, latex, got that ? Hey, latex..." Joe Durex

Hmmm... Did we tell you about that free subscription thing ? That you can get one funny quote in your mailbox from monday to friday, with that comic strip thing there also is on this site ?
You didn't check the comic strip ? Okay, here are some funny episodes ...
"Ok, I'm chosing, I'm chosing, it's okay... So I take the black no no no the red nooo the pink arrrgnnnhhh !!! I'll never make it !!" Julien Sorel
"No Juliette darling, we are not buying an Alfa, and you know perfectly why." Romeo
"My Sheila darling, you know I love you, but when we're off stage, please don't sing." Ringo
" Sorry Beauty, I never wanted to call you a dog..." Sebastian
"Listen Juliette, I promise you I won't be so touchy anymore, we'll just by a house in the suburbs and settle down..." Romeo
"Oh no, not St Valentine again!..." Casanova
" Hurry up, Tweety, or we'll miss our appointment with the orthophonist..." Sylvester
"I have a good and a bad news. The good one is that those swimming lesson are now open..." The Captain of the Titanic
"A thirteenth work ? Sorry, I finished my week..." Hercule
"Damn squirrel, you're really breaking my... Hey ?" Tchaïkovski
"Thongs ? Thank you I guess, Mom." Puss in Boots
"What... What is that white and red pile down the cliff?" Panurge
"I can just stick the torch under my elbow, In could turn the page..." The statue of Liberty
"King kong, tiny dick." Godzilla
"Hhhrrrr... Hhrrr... I think I have a plane's wing stuck in my throat. Where's the Maalox ?" King Kong
"What time did you say ?" Albert "Dr" Schweitzer
"Stop moving ! I can't paint under these conditions! Last-warning: the Demoiselles d'Avignon will look like nothing!!" Pablo Picasso
"Hmmmfff.. hmmmfff... hmmmmfff........... POOOF !!" The frog who wanted top be as big as the cow
"Yeah, put that in the box if you want... NOOOOOO!!! Not in the box!!!" Pandora
"Those are nice garter belts... That would be a cool change from these blue and red tights..." Superman
"Gesundheit? Ha ha ha ha,gesundheit, very funny..." Sneezy

What else is on that site ? Well, lots of stuff, really, it's a big huge very funny site.
You didn't find the quotes funny ?
...
Ho...
Well, if you DID find one or two quotes funny, you might like the daily strip or you can chose anything else on the site by following that link ...
"Gnnnh ! Gnnnnnnhiargh ! Damn, still no chocolate today..." The Venus of Milo
"Quite impressive, mister king Midas, but do you want to know how much I'm worth?" Steve Austin
"Should I grow a bearb or a mustache? Or maybe one of these goatees, goatees are nice..." Abraham Lincoln
"My nose is itching. And nobody around..." Atlas
"Glasses ? Well, thank you I guess." The Cyclop
"Hhhhhhhhh ! Hhhhhhhh ! Where is that damn asthm spray?" Darth Vador
"No ma'am, I'm no gynecologist and this is no echography. Please listen to me very carefully..." The Archangel Gabriel
"I love this job, Mister Vador pays well and the food is great" Independant worker on the Death Star
"Luke, we can't do that ! Think of all the independant workers!" Han Solo
"There's ONE thing that pisses me off, and that's jackstraws." Bruce "The Hulk" Banner
"I want to create an oil compagny, and I'll call it... Mississipico !!" Joe Texaco
"And I'd play a cowboy ? Why not a pigboy ! You're crazy, that will never work !!" John Wayne
"What are you saying, Tootsie's dress ? You mean... Let me have a look at that script again !!" Dustin Hoffman
"Yes, Guiseppe, one four seasons. Yes, Guiseppe, it's very funny, I'm laughing a lot." Vivaldi
"Captain, do you love me for myself or for my ears ?" Spock
"The what letters? But, that's stupid, I don't even own a windmill!" Alphonse Daudet
"Stupid, stupid, stupid multifunctions robot who won't even make a simple orange juice! I hate robots!" Isaac Asimov
"I'm warning you, if you call me little dicka third time!..." David
" Dear collegues, I want to talk to you about my last discov... Where am I?" Alois Alzheimer
"M... Mom! What are you doing with dad?" Sigmund Freud

Do you...
What ?
You hate it when people interrupt like that ?
You find it rude ?
Well, I couldn't agree with you more.
It's back to the quotes, then...
"No sugar lumps in my coffee. Personal reasons." Isis
"You know what, Romulus? We should build a town, and we would call it Reme." Remus
"I'm sure we can blow our noses somewhere else than in our fingers!" Joe Kleenex
"Georges ?... Are you looking for me? I'm hidding now." Osama bin Laden
"But mom, I am one of the greatest architects of all times, I'm the funder of modern architecture, I can't do a traditional house for y... Aouch! Okay, okay..." Le Corbusier
"Listen guy, stewed apples in the shoes wasn't a funny joke the first time, and it's not getting funnier now!" Isaac Newton
"What ? A camera ? Damn Santa Claus, I said I wanted a machine gun!" Robert Doisneau
"Of course, Thru Every Hole would be a sales hit, but I prefer the Sentimental Education." Gustave Flaubert
"No, you don't get a lawyer nor a fair trial, I get to decide if you were nice or not." Santa Klaus
"No general, I didn't mean to violate the afghan aerial space, I was just delivering... aoch!!" Santa Klaus
"Listen carefully, if he has a djellaba, even a furred one, and if he has a beard, even a white one, then he is a islamist! Throw him in jail!" George W. Bush
"No, I never heard of the captain Flam, and no, I am not from that planet. Suzanne Vega
"No, I swear I never slept with Madonna, we're just friends." Harry Potter
"Harry Potter and I, it's over now, we're just friends." Madonna
"Please, ma'am, hide those breasts I cannot see... Just joking." The marquis de Sade
"I will write the most annoying book ever, and call it... Ms Bovary." Gustave Flaubert
"Pi-pi... ca-ca... 'tcho !!!!" Pikachu
"So what you're telling me is that when THIS gets longer, you're not lying? Hmmm... And what was the second thing you wanted to tell me?" The Blue Fairy
"An ear folder? That's very funny. Who would have though dwarfs were so funny?" Dumbo
"My name is perhaps not so hot, but you're named Snow-white for Christ sake!" Grumpy
"Damn flu ! I swear that one day, my name will be synonymous with terror of the viruses!" Norton
"Want a piece of fly sandwich? Can't finish mine..." Spiderman

Okay, one last thing : the strip is not just one shot everyday, you've got stories going for like 5 or 10 or 15 episodes. So what you can do is check the stories title, and choose one you might like (lots of choice really).
And by the way, the only reason we want you to subscribe is for the writer and artist (!) to have an audience. We really won't try to take any money from you, you've got my word on this. Sooooooo
!!!
Thank you.

"No, I never said I take the key of the LEM because YOU were supposed to take the key of the LEM!" Neil Amstrong
"My thigh hurts... Must have injured it at the war..." Jupiter
"From the top of those pyramids, we could do some nice gliding..." Napoléon
"Your name is Black Coal ? And do you know what MY name is?" Snow-white
"Wicked mother in law, wicked mother in law, the is so petty, I have good sides you know, I" The wicked mother in law in Snow-white
"You know, I'm not really aiming for the grass..." Attila the Hun
"If I remember ? My memory is like an ele... No, I don't remember." Elephant Man
"Ha, ha, haaaaa..... ATCHIAA !!!!" The Etna
"Listen son, we'll play something funny: apple or cherry?" Guillaume Tell
"I'm really sorry for you, Milou, but as you can see, there are no chicks around here..." Tintin
"If we put bells on the pigeons, we could know when we have a message..." Graham Bell
"I'll take some peas, and two spons of that soup... hop, hop, top!" Gargantua
"Caramba, missed again !" George W. Bush
"No, what you feel is my flute" Pan
"No no no, I don't want to buy a raincoat, I want to buy an umbrella !" Mary Poppins
"You say you want to exchange a bottle of bleach for that only shoe? It's like a dream!" Cinderella
"Now I'm sure my theory is relative. At least I go on..." Albert Einstein
"Fly a planeover the Channel ? Are you crazy?" Louis Blériot
"An abacus ? that's original!... You're fired." Bill Gates
"I've been having this stiff neck for ages... If I could get rid of it defintively..." Danton
"Shit, no more paper" Gutemberg
What exactly is that propeller plane story I heard ? If you want to stay with us, you've gotta lose the attitude!" Joseph de Montgolfier
"Aouch, I burned my finger !... Just joking." E. T.
"I prefer pies. Can you make a pie ?" Eve
"Okay, since everybody forgot his bathing suit, here's what we're gonna do..." Moïse
"I drunk too much, my head is spinning... Hey, what did I say?" Galileo
"After the fight, I think I'll buy a farm in Little Big Horn, grow some tomatoes, lay in the sun..." General Custer
"Daddy, I know you want me to learn pistol shooting, but mom and I saw that macramé school..." Billy the Kid
"That's terrible, you never have fire when you need it!" Nicki Lauda
"So you waited thirty years to tell me it look like a "napkin""??bs??? Yasser Arafat

Now you know everything. If you liked what you read, I'd really appreciate a little
FEEDBACK.
Even five words.
No money, just words to keep the author motivated, that really is a pretty good deal, isn't it ?
So you can write there or there.
Thank you (again).

"All we nead is some rain, now!" General Custer
"I don't care, if nobody wants to buy me a kite, I'll do one myself!" Benjamin Franklin
"Yeah, wood is nice, but wax is so coool..." Icarus
"Woof, woof... Snifff... snifff ?... Aouch ! Kaï, kaï, kaï!!!" Lassie
"The alert exercise button, is it the green one, or the red one?" H. Simpsonovitch, head of security, Tchernobyl plant
"Put the ammonitrate there, on the floor, we'll take care of it later..." H. Simpsonovitch, head of security, AZT plant, Toulouse France
"What is this creeper strike story about?" Tarzan
"Satisfying the consumer is a priority to any worker" Karl Marx
"Hey, that kind of looks nice..." Michelangelo
"My ribs are scratching like hell !" Napoléon
"Yes, but I like Citizen Roger too" Orson Welles
"So THAT is a car..." Jeannie Longo
"the truck is slowing down, I'll pass easy." Coluche
"Really ? Can I come in the helicopter ?" Daniel Balavoine
" Wass sagst du ? Ich höre nitchevo." Beethoven
"I'm rusted or what ?" La Tour Eiffel
"You think I can't jump that mountain ?" Neil Amstrong
"C'est quoi cette histoire de caméras dont tout le monde parle?" Loanna
"What ?" Georges W. Bush
"I really needed vacations." Phiip
"Who's the funny guy who's running a bug-free version of windows? Want to ruin the trade or what ?" Bill Gates
"Jurassic Park IV ? He, THAT sounds good!" Steven Spielberg
"Listen, you won't teach me how to change a light bulb!" Claude François (to his bath duck)
"When this will be over, I think I will open a nice hat store." Davy Crockett (in Fort Alamo)
"You said it was a what tea?" Socrates
"Listen, I'm going to talk to the Indians. It's probably a misunderstanding." General Custer
"Grooomph !" Lucy


I hope you enjoyed that.
You can now continue your visit by going (or going back) to the home page, and check what you like...
Of course, you can also to the quotes and the strip.
And for the last time,
thank you for dropping by, it was a pleasure.

Read More......

"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." --President Gerald Ford

"My fellow astronauts..." --Vice-President Dan Quayle, beginning a speech at an Apollo 11 anniversary celebration.

"Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life." --Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah, explaining his support of the death penalty.

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." --Charles de Gaulle, ex-French President

"I stand by all the misstatements." --Dan Quayle, defending himself against criticism for making verbal gaffes

"Gerald Ford was a Communist" --Ronald Reagan in a speech. He later indicated he meant to say 'Congressman'.

"Outside of the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C.

"We found the term 'killing' too broad." --State Department spokesperson on why the word 'killing' was replaced with 'unlawful or arbitrary deprivation of life' in its human rights reports for 1984-5

"This is a great day for France!" --President Richard Nixon while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral

"This is the worst disaster in California since I was elected." --California Governor Pat Brown, discussing a local flood

"It's not listed in the Bible, but my spiritual gift, my specific calling from God, is to be a television talkshow host." --James Baker, televangelist.

"The chairs in the cabin are for the ladies. Gentlemen are not to make use of them till the ladies are seated." --Instructions posted in a river cruise ship, Suir River, Ireland.

"The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine items for the police." --U.S. Commerce Department spokesman on a regulation allowing the export of various products abroad.

"What he does on his own time is up to him." --Harlon Copeland, Sheriff of Bexar County, Texas, when one of his deputies was caught exposing himself to a child.

"Facts are stupid things." --Ronald Reagan, misquoting John Adams in a speech to the Republican convention.

"My fellow astronauts..." --Vice-President Dan Quayle, beginning a speech at an Apollo 11 anniversary celebration.

"Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life." --Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah, explaining his support of the death penalty.

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." --Charles de Gaulle, ex-French President

"I stand by all the misstatements." --Dan Quayle, defending himself against criticism for making verbal gaffes

"Gerald Ford was a Communist" --Ronald Reagan in a speech. He later indicated he meant to say 'Congressman'.

"Outside of the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C.

"We found the term 'killing' too broad." --State Department spokesperson on why the word 'killing' was replaced with 'unlawful or arbitrary deprivation of life' in its human rights reports for 1984-5

"This is a great day for France!" --President Richard Nixon while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral

"This is the worst disaster in California since I was elected." --California Governor Pat Brown, discussing a local flood

"It's not listed in the Bible, but my spiritual gift, my specific calling from God, is to be a television talkshow host." --James Baker, televangelist.

"The chairs in the cabin are for the ladies. Gentlemen are not to make use of them till the ladies are seated." --Instructions posted in a river cruise ship, Suir River, Ireland.

"The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine items for the police." --U.S. Commerce Department spokesman on a regulation allowing the export of various products abroad.

"What he does on his own time is up to him." --Harlon Copeland, Sheriff of Bexar County, Texas, when one of his deputies was caught exposing himself to a child.

"Facts are stupid things." --Ronald Reagan, misquoting John Adams in a speech to the Republican convention.

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