10. Don’t bring up Satan, or support your ideas on defensive strategies with rationale from your cult. It’ll come off preachy.

9. Football fans love two things: hot wings and ethnic slurs. Distribute both liberally.

8. Don’t say, “If Ben was a Roethlis-burger, you know I’d put on it? Hines Ketchup. And semen.

7. When the Steelers score, don’t yell “you know what they’re stealing? My heart!”

6. You know what? F those guys. Talk about Satan. If they can’t handle the truth it’s their loss.

5. Arrange your appetizers into swastikas.

4. Get some good beer and stock the fridge nice and full. Go a little overboard because you never know how many friends of friends will show up. And don’t stop talking about Cybill Shepherd.

3. Don’t stop believin’.

2. You know all of those terrible secrets you’ve been keeping to yourself? Now’s the time. Let them go.

1. Formal attire!